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Feb 2, 2019

I’ve been wanting to put together some thoughts on being a new mom. This is what I have to say. It’s long-winded, and you don’t have to read, but here it is: I don’t know if I’m the only one who does this, but there are some days that I don’t think I’ll make it through. I don’t think I’ll make it until nap time, or Ryan getting home from work, or the weekend. But, I always do! There were days years ago that I never thought I would be able to live after, but here I am. I didn’t think that my pregnancy, my labor, and then my baby’s NICU stay would ever end, but they did. If it’s one thing I’ve learned during the past 4 months with Stockton, it’s that God is in control and He helps you to realize your full potential. I now live a life of dreamt of my whole life; but something I wasn’t sure I would obtain, at times. Among all those times I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, I found the hope and strength to help me last, even one more day. I even found joy! I thank God that he helps and is patient with me during the hard (and happy) days. When I’m feeling too sorry or depressed to see the blessings; or when I’m so excited and busy that I forget to stop and thank Him. Being Stockton’s mom stretches me! I’ve done, said, and felt things that I never thought I would have! Postpartum recovery is hard to go through. It is isolating and lonely despite the kindness of others. My body isn’t the same and it won’t ever be. My anxiety and depression are still rampant in my life and affect me, my baby, and my husband daily… But you know what? I’d do all of this again the same way if I could. Healing happens, babies come home from the hospital, and Saturdays are cherished. Ryan comes home to comfort me, and when I sit down to nurse the baby, I feel calm again. It’s a balance, isn’t it? This is the pattern. I feel so blessed and loved, and those feelings ALWAYS outweigh anything else. I LOVE being a mom! It fills my heart to the tippy-top in new ways. It’s my purpose, no doubt. I KNOW this is what I’ve been born to do! And I’ve been preparing for a long, long time. I’ve made it another day.

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