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How To Help

After Suicide

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How To Help After Suicide

For those who want to reach out to someone who has just lost a loved one to suicide here are some suggestions that might help.

Above all, just love them.

It’s likely, you’ll want to fix their pain. DON’T FIX THEM! Don’t correct them. They will say things that are painful and you’ll want to say things like, ‘that’s not true.’ Don’t. Just listen.

  • Walk gently.
  • Everyone mourns differently.
  • Be aware of their needs.
  • They may want visitors. They may not.
  • Gifts at the doorstep are always touching.
  • Money for funeral expenses always needed.
  • Messaging: Send short love notes. Send messages that don’t require a response. Don’t expect replies.
  • Send a note with a favorite personal experience with the deceased.
  • Don’t ask what you can do. The only thing they want is their loved one back. Anything and everything else doesn’t matter.
  • If you do visit, let them talk. Sitting in silence is okay.
  • It’s okay to say the deceased’s name. Their name is precious to them.
  • Don’t ask by what means their loved one used to end their life.
  • If you know them well, hold their hand. Touch is powerful.
  • Remember, nothing makes sense to them.
  • If you bring food, do so in disposable containers. Make sure you know if they are allergic to anything. Frozen meals are good too but even putting something in the oven will be difficult if not Impossible.
  • By all means, do not tell them you understand because you don’t unless you’ve had a loved one die from suicide. Your love is enough.
  • Don’t tell them to get back on a schedule. They don’t even know how to set the alarm. Everything, everything is disrupted.
  • Don’t judge their loved one by calling them cowardly or selfish. They aren’t.
  • Don’t tell them that their loved one wouldn’t want them to be sad. Oh for heaven’s sake don’t go there! You don’t know what their loved one wants. They are faced with the most painful reality that they don’t know what their loved one wanted either. The last thing they need to hear from you is that you know their loved one better than they did. They’ll get there, eventually.
  • Don’t tell them that God will forgive them. It’s just insulting.
  • Don’t tell them their loved one is in a better place. All they want is for them to be with them.
  • Don’t tell them everything will be okay. All they know is now. And now is not okay.
  • They are in shock. Thankfully.
  • Do their dishes. And if you know them well, do their laundry.
  • Allow them to cry.
  • They have the hideous task of planning a funeral. The timing is awful. Yet, it has to be done. Offer rides and support.
  • Just love them.
  • Don’t go away. They will need you in weeks, months, and years.
  • Be gentle.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can i put the idea of suicide in someone's head by mentioning it?

No. 

No one can stop a suicide, it is inevitable.
If people in crisis get the help and support they need, there’s a good chance they wont feel suicidal again.
Confronting a person about suicide will only make them angry and increase the risk of suicide.

Asking someone directly about suicidal intent LOWERS anxiety, opens up communication and lowers the risk of an impulsive act. 

Only experts can prevent suicide.

Suicide prevention is everybody’s business, and anyone can help prevent the tragedy of suicide.

Suicidal people keep their plans to themselves.

Most suicidal people communicate their intent sometime during the week preceding their attempt.

Those who talk about it only want attention.

This is perhaps the most dangerous belief. Those who threaten, NEED the help. Take all signs seriously! Be brave enough to ask someone if they are thinking about suicide and when they say yes, be kind, listen, and help by getting others involved such as a school counselor, 988, SafeUt, a parent, or religious leader.  

 

 

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