Here I sit, 6 hours after my treatment still feeling ever so slightly high. I should probably explain here…
Full disclosure – as a teenager, I dabbled, no, I dove into and lounged in the deep end of the drug pool. My drugs of choice were LSD, cocaine, mushrooms, peyote, PCP, and of course marijuana and alcohol. That was the mixture of ‘let me escape’ drugs for most disturbed teens at that time. My point is that I’m no stranger to hallucinogenics. At the time, I believed I was a sophisticated drug user. I read every Carlos Castaneda book I could get my hands on. I exited every ‘trip’ more enlightened than the last….or so I thought. The problem was none of those amazing insights ever played out in real life.
When I first heard about ketamine it was from a police officer explaining what special K, ketamine’s illegal street drug name, was to a group of several hundred educators. I had no idea it was actually used by the medical community. And when some of my acquaintances said it was being used as a way to cure depression? My first thought was Carlos Castaneda and Timothy Leery have returned. All I could think of was desperate people willing to try anything and crazy doctors taking advantage of the opportunity.
Ever been wrong? I sure was.
I won’t retell my story. You can read it in my last blog post. I just want you to know before I share my treatment experience that, yes, I know what ‘tripping’ feels like. And yes, I’m aware of the illegal use of ketamine. And no, it’s not the same.
Treatment number two….
I wake up feeling so great this morning. Sleep matters. Especially to me. The more REM sleep the better but it is often elusive. So when I wake up feeling great, I’m happy!
Then I get a message that the clinic wants to move my treatment 5 days ahead. I am a little confused but I’ve already decided that I would do as they suggested. I trust the clinicians at Therapy Reset.
Every day, the clinic sends an email inviting the client to share their daily experiences for data purposes but mostly for treatment adjustments. They adjust treatment based on my experience! They know everyone is different. I guess they think I need help based on my Sunday report which I discuss later. So I go in at 2 pm for my second treatment.
I am more nervous than my first treatment. Not sure why. Anxiety isn’t usually logical, right? On the ride down, I talk it all out. By the time we arrive, I am better but still a little nervous. I mean, seriously, this is a serious drug I’m pumping through my brain. What am I risking? Well, let me tell you. In the last full three days since my first treatment, I’ve experienced happiness like I never have. I truly had no idea how much anxiety was a part of my life. I do now! There’s no turning back. So far, I’m much better off.
Laying in the big comfy chair with the big comfy blanket, an IV is inserted and then the drugs administered.
Tingling, and I’m out. Out? Not really. I’ve left the room….nope, that’s not true either. I am in a kaleidoscope. The colors and shapes are whizzing by me. I wonder if I’ve left the dream and entered reality. And then the same voice as the first time reminds me to trust and relax. I do and I’m floating once again. The sensations are nothing I’ve ever experienced. I really am not sure if I’ve truly woken to reality or if I’ve left it. Was I ever alive? I don’t know. The colors are beautiful and strange. The shapes are complex and in constant movement. I’m happy to stay right where I am.
Others have very real experiences of revisiting memories, talking with people, visiting where and what they need to. So far, that’s not been my experience. I just fly through wormholes; a rollercoaster through my mind completely detached from time.
When I start to come out of it, I keep my eyes closed to avoid the spinning room. It worked. When I finally open my eyes, no spinning. I was ready to talk! And for close to an hour the three of us talk. I have idea after idea about things I find important and what plans to bring them to the world. I am so happy. And yes, still high but like no high I had ever experienced. I am energized. I am clear. I feel great! Then, it’s time to go home.
At home, I feel energized still and tired at the same time.
The last treatment, the day after was even better than the day of the treatment. Then Saturday, two days after, my physical energy continued but I watched the anxious process of thinking creep back in. Sunday I was sick. Really dizzy. Sick to my stomach. I stayed in bed most of the day. Then today, I woke up feeling great!
What do I expect now? They say with each treatment I’ll experience this great up and then let down the next day but I’ll continue to get better and better with each treatment. I’m finishing this blog at the end of the second day. What they said is true. I feel better today than I did the second day of my first treatment. I’m more at peace. Far less anxiety and yet clear in my thought processes. I have more will to move. I don’t mind answering the texts, taking the phone calls, going to see people. Oh? You didn’t know I struggled with all those things? I did.
Six treatments and up to 70-80% are reporting complete sustained relief. Some clinicians are reporting only up to 5% are requiring occasional boosters. Let that sink in. That’s hopeful news. Right now, I’m very grateful. If I could have given this to Hannah, I would have mortgaged my house to do it.