I’ve battled major depression and anxiety since freshman year of high school. I thought that those illnesses were going to be my biggest challenge for the next four years. In a way, I was right, yet in another way I was so wrong. The next year, I discovered that I was attracted to girls as well as guys. I was bisexual. Being from Missouri, there weren’t many LDS youth around, and I never really connected with any of them. So for a while, I was told by my friends that it was ok, while my parents said I shouldn’t act on those feelings. I was torn apart and living two different lives as two different people. Because of this, I struggled with self harm and thoughts of suicide. I started to think about how I could end my life and what to write on a suicide letter. But through the support of family, friends, therapists and the help of medication, I’ve become much more healthy and stable. I’m definitely not out of the woods yet, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to deny myself to fit into the Mormon faith. I’ll probably never have a girlfriend or a wife, but I’m not deciding that to punish myself or force myself to fit into a church. I’m deciding that because I can still love and live in the religion I truly believe is real.
My life as both LDS and bisexualFebruary 18, 2018 | by