2026 Awardee – Boston Jolley – Rich High School HS

The effects of suicide, perfectionism, and depression on my life and how I pushed through.

Throughout my life I have experienced many troubles from the deaths of classmates and coaches to the deaths of grandfathers. Despite my grief over these deaths the greatest thing I have had to overcome is my own mind. Since I was in middle school, I have struggled with perfectionism and my own self-worth. I had always thought that I wasn’t good enough, especially when I failed at something and trust me, I have failed a lot. This sense of not being good enough and growing up with high parents and sibling expectations led me to become severally depressed. And during my 8th grade year of school, I made a plan to take my own life. The plan was that I take a gun, that was in my father’s car and shoot myself in our bathtub. But, before I could finish this plan, I had an overwhelming feeling that this wasn’t right and that I should talk to my parents, and I did. They understood and they were just glad I was same. But, because of this I had to spend a week at mental rehab in Ogden, UT.  Through rehab I learned coping skills but nothing I learned really stuck with me. So, I was never able to fully shake my sense of worthlessness. In my family I have three older sisters that are now all doing well in college. With the fact that parents always expect us to get good grades caused a big sense of perfectionism in my life, so anytime I messed up it was a huge blow to my psyche. For many years going through High School, I had many suicidal thoughts that caused me to think of myself as a failure and that my family would be better off without me. During my Junior year of High School (may of 2025) I had a big fight with my brother, I yelled at him and used some pretty mean language. After the fight I felt so terrible about it, thinking I was a terrible brother and recementing the thoughts that my family would be better off without me. So, I went on a search to find a way to end my life. I tried two different ways to end my life. They didn’t work and when my mom got home, she took me down to the main road to be put in an ambulance, and the whole ride the hallucinations caused me to not be able to read. When I got to the hospital, they were able to give me an IV that helped me to live. When I was cleared, I was again taken to mental rehab in Ogden, UT. This time around I was able to meet some really great people who shared my same problems, and I was able to learn things that truly helped me. I was also able to find a therapist that I was able to connect with and share things with. When I first went to rehab, I had recently moved to a new school so when I got home, I had no one to support me at school or at sports. But this time I was able to come back to a community I had lived in for years and a group of friends that truly cared about me and wanted me to succeed. It has been almost a year since that last attempt and now I’ve got to say that I am the best I have ever been. Looking back, I realize that I never saw the big picture of my life. There is way more to life than getting good grades or succeeding at sports. Life is meant for the pursuit of joy and to find those we love and surround ourselves with them. Because of my hardships and my resilience, I have been able to grow stronger every day, knowing that I am more than what a report card says. I am a child of loving parents who care about me, and I am a person who cares about everyone around him. No amount of perfection or lack of will ever bring me down again, because I know that I will never be perfect and that’s okay. All I can accomplish in my life is the best of what I can do and if that is not perfect then so be it, because I am more than my accomplishments. I am a son of God.