2026 – Addison Avery – Herriman High School HS

To Recover, Again and Again and Again

Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Now, I will not be arguing that I’m smarter than Albert Einstein, but I do think there’s more nuance to why I’ve kept persisting than what he alleges.

When I was little, I was a very happy kid. Weird, but happy. I was pretty obviously neurodivergent, but that didn’t stop me from being loud, silly, and creative like any other kid. I loved mermaids, coloring, and playing with my friends. Standard kid stuff.

What happened next was not standard. I had abruptly gotten thoughts about ending my life when I was only nine. I suddenly became convinced that all my food and drinks were poison, and I’d have to go through complex rituals to “avoid” it. I was convinced I’d die in my sleep. So obviously, I was rushed to get help.

Many, many blood tests later, we figured out that I had autoimmune encephalitis. In short, I had an autoimmune reaction to an infection, and it made my brain attack its own synapses. The result was devastating OCD, mood swings, paranoia, and depression. Since I couldn’t function, I was taken out of school, and lost contact with my friends. However, after months of treatment and a move across the country, I was able to start fifth grade. 

Recovery number one.

I tried to get back to how things were. I even made plenty of good friends. But I was probably an impossible student to teach. When I was faced with the slightest inconvenience or wrong answer? Instant meltdown. And once my classmates figured out I was an easy target, it was bullying central. All this extra stress made my symptoms worse. So now, I had tics and paralysis on top of everything. I had no clue what was happening to me, and by sixth grade I was convinced death was the only way out. 

I told my parents that I couldn’t handle school anymore, and it was back to homeschooling I went. Funnily, with the onset of Covid, everyone else was at home too. I did it before it was cool though.

Now, I was on more intensive medical treatment, complemented with telehealth counseling. With these combined, I was able to get way better over covid. Once schools were open again, I’d be there.

Recovery number two.

Despite still being cynical and untrusting of people my age, I decided in eighth grade I’d make another real friend. Even if I was still struggling, I wanted someone who really got me. Well… I sure *thought* I’d found her.

But the longer I knew her, the weirder she got. Bad-weird. She’d say less-than-platonic things unprompted, and when I told her I didn’t want anything like that, she ignored it. Eventually, it wasn’t just talk. I’m still scared of touch to this day. Consent is important, folks.

Technically, I had no reason to be optimistic when my family moved to Utah that summer. But for some reason, I did. And this time, it wasn’t misplaced. 

Recovery number three.

Sophomore year specifically proved two of my worst ideas about the world wrong. Usually high schoolers hate the “college talks”, but learning that I could make a path towards my future gave me a reason to stick around *for* that future. I also found real friends, who I’d do anything for. I may have a “productive” reason to stay alive through school, but my friends are what give me joy. I still have my moments of fear around strangers, but I’ve learned that not everyone sucks. The good people in life will accept you for who you are, and keep your comfort in mind.

And here we are now, senior year. Do I still struggle with my symptoms, or have issues with touch or loud noises, or sometimes feel like I don’t fit in? 

Yeah.

*And* I get out of the house more often now. 

*And* I finally got my license.

*And* I’ve had straight As three semesters in a row.

*And* I’ve been accepted to U of U.

*And* I’m a great employee at my job.

*And* I’ve been self-harm free for almost three years.

*And* I’m going to live.

None of this would’ve ever happened if I had stopped trying to recover. And to preserve the life I’ve built, I’ll never stop getting back up again and again. So even if Einstein would think I’m insane, I’m not stopping for anyone.