2025 Kaylee Arsenault Herriman HS

The Dangers of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is defined as the tendency to place unrealistic demands on yourself and/or others. I have experienced perfectionism and perfectionist ideas for the last three years, and it has led to more stress, anger, and strife. Perfectionism isn’t just an idea of being perfect, it also comes with bullying yourself and critiquing your every action, a burden no one wants.

Full ride scholarships, 4.0 GPAs, 36 on the ACT, being popular and athletic. These are all things I strived for. No one told me to get perfect grades, or break school records, or to start new clubs. My parents didn’t tell me they wouldn’t love me if I didn’t do those things, but I told myself that I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t. So that’s what I set out to do.

My sophomore year of high school, I joined a DECA (a business club), National Honor Society, the cross country team in the fall, and the track and field team in the spring. These clubs were fun, I met new people and had a good time. I also took all honors or Advanced Placement (AP) classes to challenge myself. Similarly, I joined those same clubs and some my junior year. I became an officer of DECA, and worked for hours a week on a project to raise money for the club. I also decided I wanted to become more involved with track, so I dedicated 10-15 hours a week to training.

My senior year workload spiraled. As a student body officer and club founder, I juggled countless responsibilities, alongside rigorous AP classes and intense track training. My schedule became a relentless to-do list, replacing the joy senior year should have held. I bottled up emotions that would burst at the worst times, and towards the people I cared most about. I was drowning, and I had no idea how to stop doing more “stuff”. In my mind, if I wasn’t getting good grades, being a star athlete, or even being popular enough, I was a failure. No one, including myself, would love me because I was a failure who just needed to buck up and pretend to be fine, pretend to be happy. Looking back on it, these thoughts don’t make sense, but to me, they were everything.

It got to the point where I had to sit down and ask myself: “why am I doing this?”. Why was I telling myself that I needed to be so perfect in ways no one can be? While I don’t have a perfect answer, I’ve learned that I can’t do everything on my own. I’ve learned to rely on others, which sounds so silly and self explanatory, but it’s the truth. I talked to my parents and best friends about how I was struggling to stay afloat, and how I needed help and encouragement. I learned that it’s ok to ask for help, because people want to help you succeed, and it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. You don’t need to have your best foot forward 100% of the time, it’s not realistic. What is realistic is setting goals that will push you outside of your comfort zone, but not push you over the edge. Goals like aiming for an A on the test, but being ok with the possibility of not getting straight A’s every time. Every goal is different, because people handle things differently. Don’t base your success off of other peoples’. Trying to be a good student or a good athlete is ok, but trying to be the “perfect” student or “perfect” person just doesn’t exist.

Once I sat down, took a look at my life, and saw how I could help ease my workload, life got better. Relationships improved, athletics became easier, and I learned to live in the moment. To anyone who also struggles with perfectionism: you don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to be perfect. Set realistic goals that will push you but not break you. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself, it will only hurt you more.

I saw what these pressures were doing early on, and I thankfully avoided further trials, such as severe depression or suicidal thoughts. Perfectionism is serious and can lead you down paths that will only harm you more. Be honest with yourself, you are strong and resilient, but not unbreakable. Don’t let perfectionism be what pushes you over the edge.