It’s Wednesday. My last treatment was Monday. I’m here to report.
This treatment was the least pleasurable. I opened my eyes several times. I fought off preceived evil at one point. I won the fight so everything is good. On a good note, I was less nauseated afterwards. Bonus. Even though the actual treatment was unusually uncomfortable, the results were wonderful, relieving, and wholly appreciated.
Before ketamine, I struggled to get out of bed in the morning. It took extreme effort to do anything. I mean any and everything. What a drastic difference today was. I got up happy at 6:30 am without an alarm after 7 hours of sound sleep. I studied my scriptures. I ate a healthy breakfast. I wrote in my journal. I started a paper that I’ve been afraid of but needs to be done. I finished and delivered it within about two hours. I called two friends. I didn’t text them. I called them. Those who struggle with depression and anxiety understand. I started laundry. I exersized for 45 minutes. I ate lunch. I showered. I fixed my hair and put on makeup and clothes. Again, if you’ve suffered, you understand. It’s now 1 pm. What an average day looked like before is nothing like today. I’m grateful.
It’s been 12 weeks since my first treatment. I honestly don’t know if I’ll need another one. At this point, if I do, I do. I’m not going to fight it anymore. This feels too right. I deserve to be happy and productive. Yes, I realize many of you perceive me as productive already. I’m not saying I haven’t accomplished anything. What I’m saying is it’s not so hard now and I’m getting more done. And the guilt for being in bed so much is GONE! Guilt for most things are gone. I’m experiencing peace.
I’ve worked so hard all my life to fix my faults. I’m hyper self aware. I’ve been a naturalist since I was 14 years old. I’ve worked so darn hard to fix so many things about me. I’m enormously grateful for the help! So, so grateful.
If this is the way ‘normal’ people function, then no wonder they don’t understand people with mental and emotional chronic illness. If you’re one of them, be glad and then be patient. You have no idea the living hell people can be experiencing.
For those who are suffering, don’t give up. Life is not meant to be 100% peaceful. It can be more peaceful though. There are answers. Check these out. These are solutions that work.