I’m going in for a 7th treatment today. I fought this because I wanted to be in that high percentile of who those who only need 6 treatments. I’m not. I’ve gained an incredible amount of stability and peace from the first 6 treatments. I’ll do what it takes to hold on to it. Let’s be clear, I’m not starting at day one.
I’m fundamentally changed. I just need more help with the anxiety. After studying, I believe I know why I need more treatments. I’ll elaborate later. And I strongly encourage you to read my entire journey on this blog to get all of my insights and rationale regarding my personal experience with Adderall and it’s detrimental effects.
A few key observations:
1. I’m off adderall with NO noticeable detrimental side effects that I’ve experienced in the past like weight gain and exhaustion! Done! It’s a miracle after 30 years of use. I am still ADHD. I am applying learned strategies to keep my life effective. To be very candid, I rather like hyper minded me.
In retrospect, I think taking the adderall during treatment was necessary and also detrimental to the process. It definitely causes harm to my neural pathways. This is the reason I need follow up treatments. My receptors need repair.
Medication is not to be taken lightly. Please! Do not stop or start taking medication without a doctor’s supervision. It could kill you, literally. I titrated off with a schedule developed with my doctor’s supervision.
2. The difficult conversations are so much easier. I realize how much anger I’ve had. I see that most of the time it was misdirected at my husband. He deserves a prize! My marriage is better. Bruce definitely sees the improvements.
3. The treatment alone is a fantastic base and a needed foundation! I also need balance in other areas. Food, the fuel I put in my body matters! Sleep matters! How I process my stress matters! Spirituality matters. Exersize matters. All areas matter and if neglected, create more stress in my life. The ketamine made it easier, no, makes it possible for me to effectively manage all those areas better. Not perfectly. It’s a process, it’s life.
4. No more suicidal thoughts. None! Mine were soft suicidal thoughts such as, “God, please just take me home.” And ‘I wish a car would just take me out.’ And ‘I wish I could see Hannah again.’
5. I have far more energy! My thoughts are clearer. I haven’t had any reaction to storms. (I don’t even understand how this is possible.) I’m exercising. I’m kinder to myself and others. I’m more patient with myself and others. I’ve been able to make huge, key decisions with appropriate concern and yet I have made them without great fear. With some fear and concern but not debilitating fear and concern.
I wish I could just open my brain and let you in. I need Spock to perform mind-melds! (Yes, I’m a trekkie, lol.) I want everyone to see how helpful it’s been for me so that you can have hope for yourselves!
I hope anyone reading this who is suffering with anxiety, PTSD, depression, trauma including post concussive syndrome (Yes! it works to eliminate the depression and anxiety that accompanies concussion.), or any extreme or not extreme mental/emotional illness will consider ketamine infusion treatments (not injection). You’re worth it!