I’ll Never See Her Get Married

Dec 21, 2018

After Hannah died, this is one of those thoughts that was so painful. She’s my only daughter and I’ll never see her get married or hold her babies. When I asked myself it was true, the answer seemed so obvious. Of course I won’t! She’s dead! Then I asked myself that second powerful question, “Can I absolutely know that I will never see her get married?”

Hmmmmm. What really happens after death? Do I know everything?

As I took time to look at how I felt when I believed this thought, all I saw was pain. I felt depressed, hopeless, resentful, alone. I believed it without really knowing the truth!

I looked at it from different directions and what I found was that I wasn’t sure about what exactly happens for Hannah in the end. Submitting to ‘not knowing’ felt a whole lot better. I also reminded myself that God is a loving God. I could trust Him. I settled with not knowing.

Four years later………

I get a phone call from my friend, Heidi. She has a teenage down-syndrome boy named Junior. He has claimed to know Hannah even though they didn’t before she died. It’s cute. Cute changed to inspiring in this one phone call.

Heidi told me that she had a group of high school students over to help with a charity project. Junior took Hannah’s picture over to them and with great joy said, “This is Hannah! She’s my friend. She is kind, strong, and funny. When I get to Heaven I’m going to marry Hannah!” Heidi explained to me that Junior often says he’s going to marry this girl or that girl but never mentions someone in heaven other than Hannah.

That could be the end of a cute story but it’s not.

I believe in eternal life. We don’t end with death. Death is simply another birth. One of the sweetest experiences on earth is to be married and that marriage can be extended into the next life. Hannah desparately wanted to be married.

A loving God would not punish Junior who clearly will not be able to marry in this life. He came as an angel to bless our lives. I realized he will have the same blessings of eternal marriage as anyone else in next phase of our existence. What else would a loving Father in Heaven do? And then it hit…Hannah’s brain was not working properly either. She won’t be punished for that which she had no control over! She could very well get married and I could very well witness it!

What do you think you know that makes you sad? If you question it, you may find you don’t know what you think you know. That’s freedom!

Answers don’t always come right when we ask or want them. The beauty of an open mind is the truth can enter at any moment. The truth certainly sets me free!

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About the Author

I'm a mom who lost her precious 16-year-old daughter to suicide on June 19, 2014. I am a mom to two young men and a wife to my wonderful husband. We learn from tragedy to make each day better. That's resilience.

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