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2022 – Ella Terry – HWRA – Bonneville HS

Mar 19, 2022

Up until sophomore year life was great! Obviously I didn’t think that at the time because 15 year old me assumed that the worst thing that could happen was not getting my homework in on time or not getting invited to go swimming with my friends, but I was gravely wrong. At the beginning of my sophomore year I was sexually assaulted. I was so scared to tell the people who cared about me because I thought that they would be angry or not love me anymore, so I kept it a secret. It ate at me for months and sent me into a pit of depression and then the COVID-19 pandemic started and everything that I thought would always be there was ripped from me. The only thing that was keeping me from letting my depression completely take over me was the social interaction I was getting from school but that was no longer there. All the horrible thoughts I had of sadness, worthlessness, and guilt were amplified. The month long quarantine was one of the hardest times of my life. My depression and anxiety became all I thought about and I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I believed that if I just felt peace for a little bit that my problems would melt away even if it took taking my life. Luckily, I chose to stay here and attempt to progress on with my life. Now although I chose to stay alive, my fight with depression did not just leave. For the rest of my high school experience I struggled with feeling like this life was not worth the horrible things that kept happening and had happened. I lost much of my motivation in school and let it affect my relationships between my family, friends, and other important people in my life. It wasn’t until the summer between my Junior and Senior year that things started to look up. I began forcing myself to get out of bed and do things that used to make me happy. I pretended to care about things I should’ve cared about and eventually things changed. I also came to accept that the old me was not me anymore and that the new me might like different things and hate the stuff that once made me joyful. I made it a point in my life to always stay busy and spend as much time as a could with those relationships that I almost lost. I am still working on my depression, it is not cured. I don’t think there is one to be completely honest. But my depression is not who I am. I am who I am and that’s what I have chosen. Everyone has a choice.

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