2024 – Kaylee Farnsworth – Mountain Ridge HS

Mar 26, 2024

It is me but not because of me.

I made my parents, parents for the first time at a hospital down in St. George. I don’t remember much of our little apartment in St. George, we moved quickly after I was born, landing on a small house with a large backyard in Sandy. I was not the only child for long. My brother was born shortly after me creating a two-year age gap.  Throughout my life, he has always been a close friend and companion to me, and I am extremely grateful for him in my life. While having a brother now made my life much more enjoyable, it added stress to my parent’s life and relationship with extremely different parenting styles. While infrequent the fights were intense. With the arrival of my little sister the atmosphere in the house changed again for the better. However, I do not believe that it stopped. I often find myself feeling melancholy from my happy childhood memories running through the sprinklers or building blanket forts-being overshadowed by the dark memories of tears pouring down my face as the cops come to check on the house after a call from the neighbors of hearing screaming too loud.

We moved from a small-house-big-backyard in Sandy to a big-house-small-backyard in Riverton, when I was halfway through my kindergarten career. With the arrival of yet another little sister, the cycle started once again with my parent’s relationship. When my littlest sister was two years old and I was just starting 4th grade the fighting evolved into something truly evil. I went from praying that my parents would stay together to praying that they would divorce to not praying at all with a feeling of numbness creeping in. This constant fighting drove my 4th-grade self to heavy depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts. As I write this my littlest sister is the same age as I was, and it breaks my heart for my younger self to see just how young I was. Working up from where I was from that lowest part was incredibly hard, and I still work to feel better to this day.

I try to remember that my parents are going through life for the first time, and they will also make mistakes. I do know that my parents love me deeply, and so do my heavenly parents.  While I am so much more than my trials and the hardships that I have struggled through, they are still a part of my story. I am proud of myself for being strong and continuing to live so that I can create more stories with things that I love and that make me, me.

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