2023 – Yvonne Plancarte – HWRA – Dixie HS

Mar 22, 2023

Fate to Recovery

Growing up I had admirable self-esteem. I grew up as a chubby girl for most of my childhood life. I had a younger sister who was in a great fit and would never gain even though she ate everything. Food was always a special part that made me feel happy and enjoyed it with any of my family members. My family had a nickname for me which was “panzona” meaning big belly. I actually enjoyed that nickname and never took it as an offense. My mother owned a Zumba business and asked me to start joining her. I agreed, aiming only to lose a few pounds and importantly to have fun. This point was a turnover on what I aimed for that later became excessively obsessed with. My parents had both separated after my family had dealt with verbal, physical, and emotional abuse from my father. From my father’s actions, I’ve dealt with anxiety, and depression and gained low self-esteem. In my head, I started to notice that I was bigger than the rest of my friends. Especially on my social media the ideal body was to be skinny and toned like top models. All this pressure led me to feel not enough. Primarily I incorporated twenty-minute workouts to be more productive. I still ate all of my favorite foods and those sweet, tasty foods of my mother’s. Following this, I started to lengthen my workouts, portion my food and started to cut out all processed foods. Unfortunately, I started to starve myself throughout the day. I stopped going out with my family to eat and stopped doing activities I enjoyed. I was so caught up busy at work and my household that I couldn’t join any school extracurricular activities like I wanted to. It became difficult to wake up every day for school early in the morning. In classes, I floundered with frequent fatigue. In spite of that, I pushed myself to put all my focus on school and succeed in getting outstanding grades. The only thought I would think about is fear of gaining weight and it lead me to lose myself. I desired to have a skinny stomach, toned arms, and legs. I found myself afraid of food without calculating it and weighing it. I despised oil, fats, and anything high-calorie. I looked in the mirror every day and still wasn’t satisfied. The voice in my head became stronger than what my heart wanted. I shivered in my own home because I could never feel warm in my own body. My family saw my rib cage hanging, my spine, and other bones popping out. My long black, thick, beautiful hair all fell out. My family broke down one day and explained how my situation was getting out of hand. From their tears, grief, and worries I finally decided to take a step and seek genuine help. At the hospital, I had been diagnosed with anorexia lasting about three years. I struggled throughout my journey on ending unhealthy habits. Though one thing that kept me standing and fighting was the support of my family and school nurse. Every day they gave me reasons to continue and taught me important elements of life. Not only did my family help me continue to recover and grow, but it was also a goal to commit myself to accomplish. I started to open up and find the girl who had aspirations and felt worthy. I recognized with all the aid I received and how I grew up around the hospital due to my father’s disability; I wanted to become a nurse. Being a nurse means I can become a spark in someone’s life when they are vulnerable. I took a path where I thought I could no longer move forward. Despite this, having the right people by my side and the “want” to find help makes it a whole difference than trying to battle it myself. I will keep moving forward because I know I can overcome further obstacles that will come my way. I will not struggle by myself because I have loved ones in who I can confide in. This moment of my life will teach me how strong I became and value that recovering was foremost the greatest choice I have ever made.

Recent Posts

Categories

Archives

Tags

Why?!

Why did they choose to die?

We are Mutants

Every single person I’ve met dealing with suicide ideation, deals with this.

About the Author

Related Posts

If He Dies…

If He Dies…

Got a desperate message last night from a person that helped me after Hannah's suicide. Her adult child has been threatening suicide for a...

read more
Blame!

Blame!

Do I blame someone, anyone for Hannah's suicide? If we blame one person for anyone's suicide, then it opens the door to blame... across the...

read more

Subscribe

Comments

0 Comments

Leave a Reply