Utah seniors share their stories of resilience.
The On-Going Battle for Life
Hello Everyone. I’m Chase Warburton, brother to Hannah.
A long time ago my wonderful mother Laura asked me to share my success story on her site, because it would have helped me with coping with the loss of my sister. I’ve been struggling for years with coming onto this site, and reading all of your wonderful success stories. It’s very hard to do this. To live and focus on suicide for the time while on this site, but it is a necessary evil. One we all must face.
Well, here we go. This is my story.
June 19, 2014, I was working with a company called Vivint out in Arkansas. It was a very busy Friday and I was working in a small town called Stuttgart. I was working with my Boss Aaron Doehler and a co-worker of mine Tyler Gerber. If any of you know me, I’ve told you about Vivint and how all of it works. But for those of you I haven’t, I installed alarm systems. It took me about an hour to do a full install. Well that morning I had finished I think four installs before finally getting a break. It was so nice to be able to sit down and relax. My boss got a call from my dad, (what?) but I didn’t put much thought into it because I was starving and wanted to eat my hamburger from wendy’s. Aaron walked back in and looked a little odd, like my dad just gave him some bad news. Then my dad called me, and that’s when everything happened, that’s when I was told about Hannah, she had killed herself earlier that day. “Why!” I begged God, why my family. After getting off the phone with my dad I locked myself in my car and cried for a good hour or so. After I could finally hold my composure, I got out of my car and hugged my boss, I told him I don’t think that I’ll be able to work for the rest of the day because I was too emotionally unstable. He told me he needed me to work because the reps were selling alarms like crazy that day. I agreed to finish working that day and do an Install the next morning before going back to Utah to be with my parents.
Now if anyone has ever had a brother or sister pass away while your parents are still living, you know for a fact the WORST, I mean THE WORST part of everything is seeing your parents for the first time after the incident. When I got off the plane I saw my mother and father. They looked terrible. I’ve never seen such heart broken faces in my entire life, not to mention they had literally aged 20 years in just that night. We hugged in the airport and started balling.
The funeral was the hardest part of the whole week and a half I was back home. It’s hard saying goodbye to loved ones because you don’t want to do it… but sadly you have too…
After all of this I got into a bad life style, I was drinking, smoking, and using women for my personal gain, not caring about what other people felt or did. After awhile of living in this bad life style, I wanted to die. But I didn’t care, death isn’t a big deal to me anymore, I always said, “Hey, at least I will get to be with Hannah again.” But what about Chay, Mom, and Dad.? I would miss them too… 🙁 So when new years time came, I was living away from my parents and alone in my apartment one night. I wanted to die, more then ever I wanted to die. It was the only answer. I swallowed as many pills as I could find in my apartment, and laid down in the bathroom to die. As I started to feel myself slip away into the “Light” I realized in a split second I didn’t want to die. I forced myself to sit up and throw up all of the pills I just digested. After I threw all the pills up I forced myself to call my Mother and tell her I needed help. Where she picked me up and took me to the Psych ward at McKay Dee Hospital. It felt so stupid telling the people I was admitting myself. I felt like such a failure. In my mind I was. There was nothing else in this world that could make me feel worse.
While in the Psych ward I met some amazing people who really cared for me and loved me as a person. They taught me I could really love myself.
After getting out of the Psych ward I found an amazing girlfriend, and landed a great job. Life has been looking up.
The hard thing about suicide is it’s an addiction, like drugs or porn. You know you don’t want to do it. It’s a terrible thing, but you crave it. EVEN the thought of it, the rush it gives you, the feeling of freedom you think it gives you, is fake. It’s all fake, but you want it. Be strong and fight the addiction of Suicide.
I love you ALL,
(Chase has chosen to allow comments.)
About the Author
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