Read our Latest Stories:

Live Hannah's Hope Logo

Donate

My struggles

She fell time and time again...and she always got back up.

May 8, 2019

Since a young age I lived in unfamiliar places that had lots of unfamiliar faces as well. When I turned 8 years old my mom remarried and moved me and my sister up to northern Utah. Growing up was a struggle there, I would make a friend and boom someone better would come along. Whether that new person shared a common interest like cheer, dance, or academics the fact is that interest was a shared one and I didn’t have much in common after that. So I wouldn’t have the friend for long. I was bullied severely, to the point I hated life and all it stood for. I was bullied for being the bubbly happy kid who nobody understood the reason for it. Yet, it was just who I was! I was bullied for my eye color difference or for anything they could really think to bully me for they did. I struggled. Alot. Then high school hit and I made some great friends who loved me for who I was! They were accepting and loving and just down right amazing! Then my parents moved me again! This time it was my senior year of high school. And when I moved to Nevada I had to redo my junior year starting fresh and everything! Make new friends, start somewhere nobody knew me and try to get through a whole new type of bullying! This time it was very physical. At one point being cornered by a group of girls in the parking lot and being beaten to the ground and kicked and hurt severerely. It didn’t just end there! Every man I dated would abuse me not just physically but mentally as well. In 2016 I attempted suicide thinking it was the only way out. I took 28,000 MGs of my anxiety medicine to try to end it all. All of the doctor’s were baffled it didn’t kill me because they said it should have! I saw the pain it put not just myself but everyone else around me through. I saw the pain it caused my baby sister when she had been told she could not see me in person due to the hospitals policy. I heard the way she lit up over the phone when I called but I also heard the pain and hurt in her voice when I told her the time was up and I had to go back. It caused me pain only being able to see my family one day a week if I was lucky and I saw what it did to my mom whom I was so close to seeing her baby girl in that pain. I saw the aftermath of suicide while still being alive and it hurt so much. I saw what suicide does to families and to friends when you attempt and it caused me so much pain seeing it happen to those around me. I know for a fact life gets better sooner or later because now I’ve been blessed with the most amazing man and stepdaughter and life that anyone could ever want! I also have a beautiful baby boy arriving in September! I would have none of that if it the suicide had been successful so i am so very grateful it wasn’t and so very grateful God had a plan for me all along!

Recent Posts

Categories

Archives

Tags

Why?!

Why did they choose to die?

We are Mutants

Every single person I’ve met dealing with suicide ideation, deals with this.

About the Author

I'm a mom who lost her precious 16-year-old daughter to suicide on June 19, 2014. I am a mom to two young men and a wife to my wonderful husband. We learn from tragedy to make each day better. That's resilience.

Related Posts

If He Dies…

If He Dies…

Got a desperate message last night from a person that helped me after Hannah's suicide. Her adult child has been threatening suicide for a...

read more
Blame!

Blame!

Do I blame someone, anyone for Hannah's suicide? If we blame one person for anyone's suicide, then it opens the door to blame... across the...

read more

Subscribe

Comments

0 Comments

Leave a Reply