My Story of Resilience
The world had become monochrome, shades of gray. The calming waves in my mind were becoming violent; instead the water’s gentle lapping was smashing against the walls of my jaded mind. My life meant a lot of things: happy and sad people, pure and angry words, distant and powerful emotions, and fading and new memories. I watched the girl close her eyes, laying her head on the sandy ground in front of her. I realized that girl was me.
But I could not give up now, I could not lay down in defeat. I had come so far. I had seen eighteen winters come and go, it could not be all for nothing. But my life had gone colorless, as if all the shades of green, blue, yellow, all of it had bled away in the tears of the sky. It was nothing short of dark, chilly, dusty, and numb. The girl laying on the cold sand thought of the doctor visits, the crying, the words on paper, the therapy. It was too much. There were moments, long moments when she forgot what it felt like to be happy; the bright side of the moon was dark. Depression, darkness, highs, lows, everything she experienced was pure exhaustion. How had this happened? Why was it happening? The happy world had crumbled. There were questions that were never answered and would remain unanswered.
Sometimes taking a single step forward seemed as though there was nothing harder in the world. Before the darkness came, she could drive herself to anything, she could see her goals in sight, but after, her sight went blurry and her steps got smaller. The horizon was dark. It was terrifying at first, but slowly she realized that no matter how small her steps were, she just had to keep moving forward, and that was okay. It also took her a while to discover the reason she kept walking, kept working to her goals when it was nothing short of impossible; she had something driving her.
That girl is me. I am driven by people. People can be many things, happy, sad, angry, cruel, despicable, lovely, arrogant, humble, beautiful. I am fortunate to say that for the number of cruel people in my life, there are tenfold beautiful people, and how full of love they are. They love so carelessly, so unnecessarily; they love others. They smile and laugh and when they cry, it is still the most beautiful thing in the world. They love me that way. I am loved. People drive me. They are my hope, my light, how I cope from the darkness. I hope I can love people the way these people in my life have shown me love. There are times when I can do nothing more than simply distract myself, cope in ways such as doing a hobby, pulling myself out of bed, or just standing up. That is okay, too. I am still moving forward.
I am not my sickness. I am Isabella. Nobody is their sickness.
I am applying for this scholarship because I believe that mental health is something which should more often be addressed and not a subject to be shunned. This is my story of resilience. I have found what drives me, how to cope, and nothing is quite okay yet, but it will be. I know that I can achieve my goals and get where I want to get, whether that be college, my dream of being an author, or helping the world in some way; the horizon in front of me shows it all. I will keep walking forward no matter what, and everything that is driving me will keep me going forward.