That moment when I found Hannah, all hope was lost that we would overcome her struggles. She took a different route without me. She lost confidence in me to guide her through. That’s just the truth of it. And in that moment of lost hope, a pain emerged like nothing I’ve ever felt in my challenged riddled life I didn’t lose hope for my life but our life together. If I had stayed in that pain, that moment of lost hope, I would consider suicide as well. And to think her pain was even worse because she had no hope that her life would get better. I can only imagine her incredible pain because I only got there partially.
I can’t stay in pain now. I view my pain as an alarm to question my thoughts. See, Hannah believed so strongly in her reality that she couldn’t see that realities are based in our attachments to our beliefs – Stories – girls should be skinny, men ought to be buff, big houses mean success, my headaches should go away, no one likes me, I have no friends, I’ll never get married, no one will ever love me, and they go on and on and on. Anxiety – fear of future/regret of the past – is treacherous. And yet, even that’s a story. And what happens when I believe that anxiety is treacherous? I avoid looking at the thoughts I’m having. I hide. I shame myself. And it goes on.
What’s the answer? Truth. How can you know the truth? Question the statements you’re thinking and when you find the truth, the hold of the thought will release and you will feel peace. I’ve experienced this so many times!
Back to Hannah. The only thought that has brought peace to my soul is that her brain was so damaged from the concussions that she wasn’t able to process that way. At that point, I didn’t know how to either. And why God allowed her to come home when so many have real miracles to keep them alive after an attempt can only be because He knew it would never change here.
I know Hannah is at peace. I know she is healed. Everything else is filler.
Ironic that because of her pain, I was able to find more peace in my life than ever before? That I’m closer to God than ever before. That I have found the incredible process called The Work that is a tool to question my thoughts? Yes, Hannah has blessed my life and because of Hannah, I am committed to peace in me and to walk with anyone else that desires it.
If you’d you like to attend a workshop to learn about the process of The Work of Byron Katie? Send us an email. It would be in North Ogden at The School for the Deaf and Blind. TBD